a grand life indeed

We will be heading to Asheville, North Carolina next week and I am totally PSCHYCED about this! Lap top will be accompanying along with, hopefully, a new camera! hoping to blog while we're out or at least post pictures of the beauty that awaits!

teaching moment from God

i have this student. she is seven and spoiled. pretty and whiney. smiley and a drama queen. i have never enjoyed her mainly because she show's up only sporadically and virtually never practices. when she does come to her lesson it is always a struggle to get her to follow directions.

lately i have been giving her lectures (as if she were a teenager) about how she should practice during the week. i haven't been too patient with her i'll admit. she cries at the drop of the hat. yesterday she came to her lesson after a long absence and much to my surprise had tidily recorded her practice times during the week for me to see. my heart began to soften just a little and we proceeded into our lesson.

at one point about half way into the lesson i started correcting a particular hand position, gently pulling it to where it was supposed to be. she immediately announced in her familiar whiney drone "it's hard.....". she repeated this statement again and again. i grew more and more resolute in my determination to make her do it the right way. i tried explaining if she learned it the right way now it would make things easier for her in the future. she grew silent which is unusual for her and tried again. after another failed attempt i could see the tears coming and prepared to have none of it. it wasn't the end of the world after all and i have very little patience for drama queen students especially when i know i am not requiring them to move mountains. i took her violin down from her shoulder and started my familiar line of questions in a gentle voice "why are you crying? there's nothing to get upset over. . .you'll get it. " at this point the tears usually get worse but instead i could see her trying to choke them back. . .trying hard to push through but it was hard and she's just now getting a taste of things that are hard. and then she did something she's never done before. . this selfish whiney creature. she reached out to me and hugged me. my heart melted. it could have easily hardened and brushed off the hug as an attempt to delay the lesson. instead i softened and paused. i reached for her next and hugged her tightly.

the whole atmosphere of the lesson changed as i looked at her in a new light. she was me. whiney, selfish, prone to giving up. God is gently pulling me to the correct "hand position" and i am constantly saying in my whiney drone "its hard. . . ". but the difference in this situation He always reaches for me first. He hugs me. He reaches for me. He holds me. He never lets me go. i'll learn. i'll learn it the right way and will be stronger for it.

long time coming

i really like to blog. i realize that i blog about nothing of significance but its fun. i suppose its vain and a shows a desire for attention but i'm not sure thats altogether true either. i think its a need rather, to express myself; to be heard and understood. well now that didn't sound vain or self-absorbed at all. i think my need for expression is why i play music as well. i was never a prodigy and have a penchant for laziness but i never wanted to stop. i would get lazy but i never stopped. i think its because music is one of my ways of connecting to people. i think blogging can do the same thing. i'm just not nearly as good at blogging as i am at playing the violin. you're think "gosh i hope not or she's one sorry violinist."

anyway, today is windy and cool. not cold. just cool. i went running and ended with a walk. it was nice. the long drive to NOLA to teach for six hours looms over me and i dread it. i love teaching just not 50 miles away to privileged kids who really don't give a care. i like my cozy house teaching my set hours and feeling at ease to do things my way. well, all in good time.

i think it is in my nature to try my best to be unhappy about something. . . sounds perverted right? well it is. there is no righteousness in self pity or worrying all the time. i'm fighting against this everyday because i am happy. deliriously happy. and its hard for me to let myself "give in" to the happiness. God seems to be denying me certain things right now (motherhood) but He has given me an abundance of other good gifts that are to be valued. a husband who loves me and sacrifices so much for me, friends, and ministry opportunities. God is good and i will delight in Him this day.

Blessings.

Autumn Cycle

Autumn Cycle, originally uploaded by moriza.

i love the light in this picture.

dreaming

. . . of Autumn. I wonder if its on its way. Did it get side tracked somewhere up North and forget about us poor folks in South Louisiana? I hope not. Meanwhile I try to be content looking at beautiful photographs. Check out my Flickr Favorites for hope and inspiration that Autumn is on its way and will be here just in time. There's a metaphor somewhere in there I'm sure. :)

ahem. .

i'm still here. life is crazy. life is good . . i hope to revive posting in the near future.

:)